I hate Summer. Like right now im in a daze. Feeling stuck in some weird familar place that only comes to me during Summer. Im so unhappy right know that I just dont even know what to say. I have cried big tears all damn Summer. I cant wait to be done with all things that hurt. I cant wait to leave this place for something so quiet because I feel like my mind is a War Zone!
I miss my Yellow Star. I miss my Grandfather. He was the only man I could count on. The only man that kept it real with me and not to long before he died he told me that the world was a cold place and that I was going to see how cold it really is! Damn, Pappy was right. Its cold out here and I have a chill right down into my bones.
To be honest, nothing has been right with Summer since 2009. Its been Shit ever since. A couple of days ago I had a pain in my chest that made me hold on to my desk. I thought I was going to die but the doctor told me yet again that I was stressed and had an anxiety attack. I wish I could go back in time and fix things. But I cant. The situation was created for me and I had no say. I was born into a MAD WAR and know this MAD WAR is in my mind and in my heart and to make matters even worse I know its here to stay!
Iron Rose aka JohVonnie Jackson
3 Responses to “Tear Drops”
To me it is often like in the summer I have more time to think so I start thinking like “is this what I want my life to be like” and things like that. I can tell you it is not but what do you do…For example I have hated my job for several years and now it sounds like maybe I can get another job but not until sometime early next year. MJs death in 2009 was such a chock. Sometimes I think we should have seen it coming but I guess there had always been so many rumours around him so that is why we (the fans I mean) were so used to that. I understand it must be a lot harder for you though. Anxiety attacks also must be hard to live with. I only had one once myself when I was 19. I am the same age as you (37).
I am sorry you are experiencing such stress and anxiety and I certainly know from personal experience how it feels to have a stress/panic attack. It’s a feeling that is difficult to explain but yes, you feel like you are dying as you try to gasp for air while experiencing pain and tightening in the chest region. Try to stay calm and remember to pray to Jehovah because on He can sustain you. I know you miss your grandfather but be thankful that you had someone in your life that you could always count on. Not everyone is that blessed. I certainly wasn’t and still am not. Wishing you the best. Take care.
Wishing you much love on your birthday! I have never forgotten bout you and with MJ and your b-day being 1 day apart, so many focus on his but I baby girl am focusing on yours!Have an awesome day!
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